Winning and losing are both natural parts of life—and especially sports. Given the choice, most of us would always choose winning over losing. I’ll be honest—I hate losing. Whether it’s a pickup game, board game, or friendly competition, I want to win. But over the years, I’ve come to realize something critical:
When winning becomes the goal—the sole focus—growth and long-term success tend to suffer.
This realization hit me again during a recent conversation with a young athlete. He was frustrated. “It feels like the harder I try to win, the harder it becomes to actually win,” he said. I could tell he was giving maximum effort, but the results weren’t showing up the way he expected.
So I told him something he probably thought was crazy:
“Winning can’t be your goal if you actually want to win.”
Naturally, he disagreed. He brought up legendary athletes like Kobe Bryant and Tiger Woods—icons known for their intense desire to win and legendary work ethics.
But here’s the truth behind those icons: Their pursuit wasn’t about winning itself. It was about mastering the preparation.
The Hidden Cost of Making Winning the Primary Goal
When winning becomes the goal—rather than a by-product of preparation and effort—it creates a pressure-filled environment that can hurt more than help. The closer you get to winning, the more the pressure builds. And if you fall short, the mental toll can be even greater.
When everything is about winning:
- A narrow victory feels like relief, not joy.
- A close loss feels like failure.
- A blowout loss feels like giving up is easier than trying again.
This mindset can rob athletes of the love for the game and the joy of improvement. It leads to burnout, self-doubt, and, ironically, more losing.
Why Focusing on the Process Creates Champions
Let’s go back to that conversation. The young athlete was obsessed with winning, but he was missing the key: the process.
Great athletes don’t just chase wins—they chase growth, challenge, and progress. That’s where mental toughness is born. When your focus is on:
- Competing hard every moment
- Mastering your fundamentals
- Being prepared and confident
- Learning from failure
Then wins become inevitable. They’re a result, not the objective.
Take a close game, for example. If winning is the only thing on your mind, the pressure in the final moments can become overwhelming. Every mistake feels like the end. But if your focus is on competing, executing, and trusting your preparation, you stay calm, even when the stakes are high.
The same applies when you’re on the wrong end of a scoreboard. If your only goal is winning, a big deficit can make you check out mentally. But when your focus is the process—doing the little things right, giving your all, finding small victories—you keep pushing, even in the face of adversity.
The Joy Is in the Work
Preparation is where the magic happens.
It’s in the early mornings, the lonely reps, the film sessions, and the times no one else is watching. If you can learn to love the grind, the pursuit, and the slow climb toward better—you’ve already won, even if the scoreboard says otherwise.
Kobe Bryant was known for his obsession with the process. He once said, “Those times when you get up early and you work hard… those times when you stay up late and you’re too tired, but you push yourself anyway… that’s actually the dream.”
Let that sink in. The work is the dream. The joy isn’t found in the championship moment alone. It’s found in the commitment to becoming great—day by day.
Growth First, Winning Follows
Winning is never guaranteed. But progress? That’s something you can control. And ironically, when you put growth first—when you focus on mastering your habits, building mental toughness, and preparing with purpose—winning follows.
If you’re an athlete, coach, or parent, here’s what to remember:
- Keep your eyes on the pursuit, not just the prize.
- Find pride in how you prepare.
- Focus on being consistent, not perfect.
- Celebrate effort and improvement just as much as results.
Final Thoughts: Redefining Success
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to win. In fact, competing to win is part of what makes sports powerful. But when winning becomes the only goal, it creates a fragile mindset—one that breaks under pressure and walks away when adversity hits.
Instead, let’s raise athletes who are built for the long haul. Who love the work. Who stay mentally strong whether they’re up by 20 or down by 10. Who value growth, grit, and joy in the journey.
Because in the end, when winning is just the by-product—not the goal—you’re not just building better athletes. You’re building better people.
BtL
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