I was asked recently what coaching young athletes has taught me over the years. As I began to answer, I realized that most of what I’ve learned has less to do with wins and losses—and everything to do with character, growth, and kindness.
From the first team I ever coached to the kids I work with today, my approach to life, relationships, and coaching has changed nearly 180 degrees. We’ve all heard the phrase “the kids teach us more than we teach them”—but I can say with full honesty, that has absolutely been true for me.
As I thought more about this topic, I decided to focus on the lessons that have impacted me the most—especially those related to character and personal growth. These aren’t just coaching lessons; they’re life lessons. And while I’ve learned far more than I could ever fit into one blog post, here are my top five takeaways from coaching young athletes.
1. The Person Is Bigger Than the Game
As coaches, it’s easy to get caught up in the game—fundamentals, strategy, X’s and O’s. But we’re not just coaching players. We’re coaching people. People who will grow up, move on, build careers, raise families, and maybe even coach their own kids one day.
Not every athlete comes from the same background. Some need more support. Some need a positive role model. And some need a coach who sees them as more than just their role on the team. If we want kids to grow into strong individuals, we have to coach the person—not just the athlete. We have to care about who they are off the field just as much as we care about how they perform on it.
2. Effort Matters—Recognize It or It Might Disappear
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from coaching young athletes is this: people repeat what gets recognized.
If we only praise outcomes, we’re missing the bigger picture. If we want to raise athletes who work hard, stay committed, and develop a growth mindset, we have to reward effort—regardless of talent or status on the team.
Everyone has different abilities. Some kids are naturally athletic, while others shine in the classroom, on stage, or behind the scenes. But all of them benefit from knowing their hard work matters. Even the most talented athletes will eventually face situations where effort—not talent—determines success. That’s true in sports, and even more true in life.
3. A Win Only Lasts for a Moment—How You Win Lasts Much Longer
Have you ever noticed how quickly the feeling of a win fades? The buildup, the anticipation, the goal-chasing—it almost always feels bigger than the win itself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love to win. I coach to compete, and I believe in striving for excellence. But coaching young athletes has taught me that how we win matters more than whether we win.
Take a group of 10-year-olds who win a championship—but only seven out of ten kids get to play meaningful minutes. Then the next season, four of those kids don’t come back. Is that really a win?
In youth sports, the real victory is in helping kids develop a love for the game, learn how to push themselves, and experience what it means to be a teammate. Winning should be a byproduct of doing those things the right way—not the only goal.
4. We Must Learn to Handle Both Wins and Losses
Success feels great—but it can also lead to complacency. I’ve seen kids (and even teams) start to ease up when wins come too easily or too often. Preparation slips. Focus drifts. They start to expect success rather than work for it.
On the other side, losing can take a toll—especially when it starts to pile up. I’ve coached kids who began to doubt themselves long before the game even started, simply because they expected to lose.
That’s why one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned through coaching is this: we need to help athletes process both outcomes. Don’t let wins make you soft, and don’t let losses make you doubt. Whether it’s victory or defeat, we have to turn the experience into action. That’s how you grow. That’s how you bounce back. And that’s how you create real success—on and off the field.
5. Everyone Has Something to Teach—You Just Have to Listen
It doesn’t matter how old someone is—8 or 80—everyone has something to teach us. The 80-year-old brings wisdom from experience. The 8-year-old brings wisdom from innocence.
Some of my greatest lessons have come from the youngest athletes I’ve coached. They’ve taught me about empathy, joy, patience, and the kind of kindness that hasn’t been jaded by the world yet. And that kind of compassion—that purity of heart—is something we should all strive to carry into adulthood.
As coaches, we often think we’re the ones doing the teaching. But sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is stop and listen.
Final Thoughts
I’m deeply grateful for the opportunity to coach. The wins are nice. The moments of growth and teamwork are unforgettable. But what sticks with me the most are the ways I’ve changed for the better.
Coaching young athletes has helped me become a better coach, yes—but also a better person. And if there’s one thing I hope for other coaches, it’s this: let the kids teach you. Stay open to the lessons. And remember that sometimes, the biggest impact we make isn’t on the scoreboard—it’s in the lives we help shape along the way.
BtL
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